Monday, March 3, 2014

He knows me!

One of the toughest moments as a mommy to my special boy was when my husband and I returned from a 5 day cruise when Carter was 15 months old.  I knew that he was delayed and that something wasn't quite right, but I could also only see my perfect, beautiful little boy.  Being with him day in and day out, made it difficult to see the severity of his problems.  By day 3 of our cruise, I was in tears from missing him.  I just wanted to get back home and hold him.  I was sure he was missing me at that point.  When we finally got off the ship and I knew he wasn't far away, I could barely contain myself from the excitement of seeing him.  As I lugged souvenirs and luggage to where my mom was with him, all I could do was stare at Carter in her arms.  I searched his face for a glance or sign that he knew who I was or was happy to see me.  He never even looked at me or smiled.  He didn't seem to know who I was.  At that moment, my heart broke into a thousand pieces and my mind shut down.  I cried.  I simply cried.  It was the first time I could see so clearly that something was wrong.  My baby didn't even realize I had been gone for 5 days and if he did, he didn't show it at all.  It was a shock to me.

Now, 4 years later...Carter COMES to me all on his own.  He smiles when I walk in the room, he scoots to me no matter where I am in the room and he reaches for my hands to stand up with me or sit on my lap.  He knows who I am.  Today during therapy, he did everything he could to get to me and avoid doing what his therapist wanted him to do.  He was at school all day, so just wanted his mommy since getting home.  When I kiss his face, he smiles and giggles!  He reaches for my face when I lay next to him.  I can't even begin to construct the right words to describe how amazing it is to see these things.  It's something I waited so long for and was never sure if I would see.  Carter is my true miracle.  I savor and cherish every glance, smile, giggle, effort and acknowledgment that he gives me because I know how hard he has to work to give it to me.  Carter may not be able to talk, but he speaks louder than words.

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