Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Simple choices aren't so simple

My mom came home to visit the first week of the month for Carter's Mitochondrial Disease walkathon and only planned to stay a week.  That week has turned into 3!  The day of the walkathon, my brother and his beautiful girlfriend shared their big news that they are expecting their first baby in March!  That one week plan turned into 2 when mom decided to stay for KayLeigh's 9th birthday party!  Then she decided to stay to help my brother paint a room in his basement for their guest bedroom so they can start working on the baby's nursery.  Throughout this 3 weeks, my mom has asked me to go back to Florida with her for a couple weeks until she comes back to Michigan for her 50th birthday.  A very tempting and exciting idea!  I would love to go down and see the beach, friends and sunshine...I really would love to.  At first, I was all for it and ready to start packing.  But then I came crashing back to reality.  To go on a vacation for 2 weeks means Carter missing 10 days of school.  10 days.  It also means that Lily would miss 2 out of 6 ballet classes that I already paid for and looked forward to for months.  I would have to reschedule 3 appointments and make a new one to get Carter cleared to travel.  I would be away from my husband for 14 days.  And most importantly, I would be taking a leap of faith with Carter's health.  Living in Pensacola for 3 years was brutal when it came to emergency medical care for Carter...the local hospital just isn't equipped to care for children with severe medical problems.  14 days of risk.  A risk that I am scared to death to take.

A week after we moved back to Michigan in March of 2012, Carter landed in ICU when his system crashed.  It is still unknown as to why this happened.  But one thing is for sure; I am terrified of this happening again.  If it had happened in Pensacola, I fear the thought of what could have happened.  We had made it home just in time to be near one of the best children's hospitals that was able to save his life.

To many people, rescheduling appointments or missing a couple ballet lessons is simple in the big picture.  A Florida vacation would trump it all and they would do it in a heart beat.  But these choices aren't so simple for me.  The reality is that I have a special needs child; a medically fragile son.  Traveling is a risk.  Trusting emergency departments is impossible.  Optimism lags behind realism.  One week away would be okay, but 2 weeks is too much.  I just can't do it.  Simple choices aren't so simple.  They just aren't.

So I have decided to wait until we can plan this vacation better and when my husband can come along.  My gut tells me that this is the right thing to do.  For some reason, the timing just isn't right.  One thing I have learned over the last 4.5 years is to trust my gut.

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